Depressingly, in the way that doing any kind of business is depressing these days, OK Cupid was acquired by the parent company of Match.com, so they’re just niches in the same internet dating company, using the same methods to maximize profit. Both sites are sometimes difficult to manipulate; it often feels you’re slinging your hellos into the air. All dating sites could be easier to use.
Despite their corporate kinship, the experience on each is different. While Match.com specializes in photos and summaries, OK Cupid presents several founts of information: age (required), photograph, Self Summary, a list of particulars such as height, place of residence, marital status, body type, religion, kind of person you’re looking for, and finally, a
person’s answers to an exhaustive list of questions. Other than age, you can choose what information to provide.
You have to give your birth date when you sign up and have no choice about whether to include it on your profile. The ages of the people you are given to review fall within the range you have designated. Most Men Looking for Women would not include 82-year-old women in their range, so if you’re 82, as I am, you’d better be prepared to be the one to reach out. On Match.com, several men reached out to me, despite my age; none did on OK Cupid.
Next in the hierarchy of attention is the photograph. I’d be interested to know the response rate to profiles with no photograph; they seem essential. I’m scared by ones where the man glares at you and intrigued by photos with ambiance. A man says he likes the outdoors and there he is on top of a mountain. Some photos are strange; one photo showed a man lovingly kissing an attractive adult woman on the cheek. His fawning expression felt creepy, so I deemed the woman his daughter. Showing yourself with your dog is appealing, though if you have a Mastiff, you might miss out on the Papillon lovers; still the Papillon lovers will have to find out at some point. As a writer, I probably should have posted a picture of me writing, but I don’t have one and creating one would be such an ordeal.
A quick overview of salient facts is next: gender, sexual orientation, monogamous or not, height, weight, race, political position, languages spoken, education level, employment status, religion, astrological sign, smoker, drinker, Marijuana, pets, kids, what you’re looking for (long-term, hook-up, etc.—you can choose more than one). It takes only a few seconds to take in this snapshot. You don’t have to provide all the information, but I wonder how productive it is to withhold it. Won’t people you’re interested in find out anyway?
Next comes the entertaining part. OK Cupid provides dozens of questions to answer, from “Does the US need stricter gun control,” and “Are you registered to vote,” to “Kissing in Paris or Kissing in a tent in the woods,” “Do you like scary movies?” and “Do you put ice in your wine?” By the time you’ve perused his answers and compared them with yours, you
learn not only about him, but also about yourself. Why did you choose kissing in Paris over kissing in a tent? Is it true that you don’t often find yourself worrying about things you have no control over? What would a relationship be like with someone who doesn’t agree with you about vaccinations, or climate change, or God? Do you PASS this guy or give it a chance? It is, as I said, entertaining to sift through these scenarios.
At the bottom of the profile page is a box: Agree, Disagree, Find Out. (Find Out is a list of questions he’s answered that you have not answered.) You’ve been given the percentage of agreement with each man at the top of the page, but it’s worthwhile seeing exactly where you agree and disagree. Some apparently trivial preferences could be deal-breaking: vegan, likes reggae, has pet rats, and, for me, loves the seashore (summers would be martyrdom with someone who loves the seashore.) By the time you’ve been through the offerings on the profile pages and LIKE someone or write him a sentence or two on OK Cupid, there’s lots to talk about.
OK Cupid wastes less of your precious time learning attributes and preferences that you might not get to for a long time on a connection you make on Match.com.
My book group thinks I should go on Tindr, but I don’t know if I could stand it. I’ll think about it.