• Divorce in California

    Divorce in California

    During a visit to California, I witnessed the end results of a mismatch which has spawned a divorce.  Though I have been divorced twice, my divorces were not the result of a simple mismatch, but of abuse and mental illness, so they are no yardstick for measuring the California system,… Read More
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  • Same Sex Marriage

    Same Sex Marriage

    Doesn’t everyone have an opinion on this subject these days? Here are the stages I went through Grew up unaware that homosexuality existed.  One family I knew of had a son who sold antiques who only visited, I was told, on rare occasions, but was known for wearing flamboyant… Read More
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  • Thank you, Maggie Smith

    Thank you, Maggie Smith

    The best thing about Downton Abbey is Maggie Smith. For me, it goes farther than simply appreciating a skillful, wily acting job. She has become my role model for getting old. Seeing Jane Fonda, all slick and slim, depresses me. Yes, I could do that with unlimited financial resources… Read More
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  • Going public

    Going public

    Yesterday I read the opening pages of my book to about 200 students and faculty at my university. I was heartened by the number of times the audience laughed out loud. When talking about sex, humor takes the edge off. But I had to step back before I chose to… Read More
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  • Nothing is lonelier than a bad marriage

    Nothing is lonelier than a bad marriage

    From inside a warm, supportive marriage (preceded by two divorces), I am being reminded these days that nothing is as lonely as a bad marriage. The person who once embodied your dreams has become an empty husk, turning to them becomes a masochistic punishment, yet there is nowhere else to… Read More
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  • On being 71

    On being 71

    A few weeks from my 71st birthday, here are some thoughts. Everybody has arthritis. Dr. Gerard Malanga, an outstanding doctor who advised me on a painful shoulder, said, “Everybody has arthritis after a certain age. The question is, ‘Does it hurt?’” My arthritis hurts only occasionally, and for that… Read More
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  • Bless Marilyn Marlowe

    Bless Marilyn Marlowe

    A long time ago, while I was married to my first husband, Ernest Coates, I mixed up being married to a writer with being a writer myself. Ernest churned out thousands of pages of writing but never got around to submitting them anywhere, while I supported the family. Not a… Read More
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  • Who does the dusting?

    Who does the dusting?

    I love Joli’s comment to my earlier post that “if behind every great man is a woman, then behind every great woman is not a man who steps up to dust, but a housekeeper.” “Equality” in housekeeping has been, in my experience, an empty word. Just looking around me,… Read More
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  • Domesticated men

    Domesticated men

    I have been watching two men take over the domestic life of their families — my son and my husband.  My son has to take care of two children by himself for extended periods of time.  He irons their school clothes and makes their lunches at night, figures out methods… Read More
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